I met a girl on a lonely road, while i was searching for myself.
She was beautiful, but her eyes were hiding something.
The clouds were getting darker; Leaves were leaving from the trees.
I thought to ignore the girl I met, but her eyes were too powerful to hold me.
I was hypnotized totally. The girl was utter silent.
I wanted to talk but my words walked away without knowing i was hooked there.
I wished if she break the silence, but she didn't.
An unknown fear started growing inside me.
Who was she? A human? A fairy? Or an ethereal being?
I'm sure that it wasn't a hallmark of schizophrenia.
I was drowning in the ocean of darkness and fear.
But somehow i got courage from nowhere to speak.
Her eyes were conveying her tragic tale, but i want to end the silence.
I asked her who she is. I didn't know her tear glands was going to burst,
Answer took the form of water and started flowing from her eyes.
I was affected by paranoid delusion, I was delirious.
I thought her tears are going to hurt me without any provocation.
But it was simply flowing towards her feet through her cheeks.
I said no to entheogens before the journey, so i was perfectly normal.
My mind wasn't prepared to face the lamentation of a girl.
I slowly walked towards her; I wanted her to stop crying.
(Unfinished memories)
I had a dream. I was talking with one part of myself about life. Talks become arguments. Arguments became fights. I was fighting with myself. I was afraid. Because, both are myself. I can't bear if anyone lose. I didn't want to be a loser in my dream. I was watching the fights. Suddenly one of my part took a knife and stabbed the another part of myself. Owh. That was awful. Literally stabbed. I could sense the pain. Blood oozed from the body. owh no, it was not blood. A dark color liquid. I was wondering why the color is dark instead of red. But questions had no place in the dream. Only happenings were there. I was losing one of my part. I was dying inside.I couldn't help myself. I stared at my another part who stabbed. He was perplexed. He didn't want to do it intentionally. But it happened. I didn't know what to do. When we dream, we feel it is real. So i wished that if it was a dream even though i'm dreaming. The blood like fluid scattered all over the walls, making a graffiti.. The walls were white, but the blood made it dark. And the blood drops on the walls were screaming loudly. It was not simply an auditory hallucination. i heard it. i don't know i heard it through my ears or not. But i heard it. A thick dark cloud were covering myself. I thought it was one of the psychological side effect of the pill i had taken before the sleep. But it was not. Alprax didn't have that much power over me. It was some other thing. A strange happening. I double checked myself if i'm stoned. But i was not stoned. I was running out of weed. I was perfectly aware. I could count the breaths. I was the only witness. Suddenly the part of myself who did the crime gazed at me in a mysterious way. I saw the black thick fluid flowing through the knife. The victim was struggling for life on the floor. I was afraid. Because the murderer is looking at me. And i saw he walks towards me with the knife. I could listen to the foot steps. And the projection came near me. Raised the knife. I wished to run. But i couldn't.. I was frozen. Owhh my god.. He raised his hand... Suddenly I woke up.. Shattering all my dreams...
Hi..
I'm not a writer.. I just don't know how to write or what to write.. I scribble what comes to my mind.. I don't know how to describe myself. Because i don't know myself. I'm in a journey to find myself. I know there is a destination. But to me, the journey is important. If i achieve the destination, i will wander in chaos. Because i don't know what to do. All i can do is keep on travelling. I can't fathom the meaning of life. I believe it is a paradox. Paradox in all means. I always wonder if my life is a dream. I always ask myself the question, "Am I dreaming?"
Or is this a virtual reality? A man on drugs can alter his reality. I don't want to alter the reality. But i want find out what reality mean. My problem is not that i don't have any dreams. But it is that I have too much dreams..And all my dreams are collapsing.. Okay.. This is just an introduction.. I will catch you soon guys.. :)
